Need Sometimes all you need is yourself…
As I sit here denying every swipe on this dating app. I can’t help but to be thankful that I took time for myself. I remember all of the blank stares I would get whenever I told my friends to date themselves. I get it, who wants to date themselves. But in the process of healing sometimes you have to do things that you don’t want to do.
The first couple weeks after any break-up are crucial. It sets the tone of how your healing process will go. At this time we’re all vulnerable and in search of a love to fill the void. Which leads most of us to rebounds, self-sabotage, and running into the arms of a men that aren’t for you.
The first couple of weeks of being single I was on a manhunt, to find the man that was the one for me. I just wanted comfort.
That’s a form of self-sabotaging, I was taking steps backward instead forward. Thinking that I needed comfort or a distraction to keep me from feeling the hurt. Us women have the tendency to fall into another man’s arms so quickly because of the security he brings. Some jump into another relationship within days, or weeks thinking that’s the answer to their problems. Given, it does work out for some of us sometimes, and it’s a beautiful story to tell.
That’s just not my story.
That’s not what I needed. No one can fix your internal healing, but you.
Let’s be real when your heart breaks you change. It’s almost as if your innocence is broken. Your guards go up, you become a little bitter, and your heart hardens. It’s an unforeseen change that a lot of women miss, but we all feel. That’s why it’s so important to date yourself after a breakup.
As silly as it sounds, you have to get to know yourself all over again. How can you give yourself fully to anyone else if you don’t even know who you are anymore?
I’ll be honest I didn’t know who I was anymore after my break up. Women are natural nurturers; we tend to care for our partners’ needs before ours. It’s our natural default. Unconsciously putting ourselves last on the priority list.
When the relationship ended something awakened in me. It was almost as if a light bulb turned on.
Saying, now is the time for you to get your damn life together.
After about 2 months of first being single, I was just thankful to not be in another relationship yet. Reality was; I was changing so much that it wouldn’t be fair for me to get involved with another man right now.
The last thing I ever want to do is hurt any man because of my insecurities.
That’s the good thing about being alone, you become more aware of yourself and your actions. Being alone will make you acknowledge things that you wouldn’t have seen if you were in a relationship.
I realized I had more faults than I care to admit, I’m not perfect. But now I was finally able to work on them without any judgement.
I had to learn who I was becoming in order for anyone to see me for who I am.
Loving yourself starts by doing things that makes your soul happy. That’s key to healing. In happiness you truly find yourself.
Taking Time To Be Alone Will
Awaken your spirit: You can finally focus on your wants and needs. Be selfish with your time, and make yourself the priority. What makes you happy? What motivates you? What relaxes you? What do you want? You’ll be able to uncover so many unanswered questions. Just by asking and doing what feels good to your soul.
It Matures you: Now you have to stand on your own two feet. Handle emotions, situations, and sometimes finances all by yourself. Learning how to take care of your mental, spiritual, and physical health all at once without having an outlet to vent too is not easy. Trust me. There have been many nights I cried to myself, but I got through it. Not to sound harsh, but sometimes you just have to get through some sh*t. It’s a painfully beautiful transition. No matter how old you are.
It gives you another chance to heal: You now have time to heal childhood and adult traumas that you’ve kept tucked away. Now you don’t have to worry about someone else’s feelings while trying to fix yours. You get a second chance to live the life you envisioned.
It allows you time to self-reflect: Reflect on what went wrong and what went right so that you don’t make the same mistakes in the next relationship. After a breakup, it’s healthy to isolate yourself for a while to process the whole situation.
It gives you time to pour your all back into yourself: If you feel neglected or unwanted now is the time to give all that love to yourself. You now have the time to invest in yourself. You have time to get to know yourself.
Being alone can get extremely lonely at times, but it’s peaceful. In times of boredom, I found myself meditating, working out, writing, dancing in my panties, or calling one of my home girls. Your friends will keep you sane during this time in your life. It’s important to have real genuine friendships that you can be vulnerable with.
I know there are some that feel that jumping back into another relationship after a breakup, saved them. It may have for the moment. But until you finally take the time to deal with your internal issues.
Your issues will always circle back.
Lauren London said it best; “we only experience people, we have to give them back sooner or later”. You have to be able to stand alone in order to connect to a greater love. A relationship is for commitment, love, support, and building. It’s not a game that you can switch on and off.
When broken, the only person that can heal you is yourself. No man can give or take that from you.
P.s Dating apps are for entertainment, I wouldn’t suggest taking anyone serious.
xox Black Daria