Adult Friendships
Let’s be real, maintaining a friendship past the age of 26, is really freaking difficult. Between juggling work life, children, love life, and just life in general. Certain things slip through the cracks, friendships being one of them.
What most don’t realize is that adult friendships require a lot of patience, forgiveness, support, and a lot of “check in’s” from both parties. It’s not just a one-way street. In order for a friendship to work in your adult years, you both have to be willing to not give up.
I’ve had people in my life that wouldn’t check-in or support me unless I contacted them first. I use to give so much of my energy to people who really weren’t my real friends. I was always checking in. Always trying to plan a girl’s night. Receiving nothing in return. I had to cut those loose ends. I refuse to overextend myself for anyone anymore. That sh*t was hurtful.
It’s a harsh reality but as you evolve so does the way you see the relationships around you. What used to not bother you, starts to bother you. What you use to put up with, you refuse to deal with anymore. The older I became the more I realized just how sensitive adult friendships can be.
You could go months even years without seeing each other because of … life. Don’t get mad or jealous. Just reschedule. Keep rescheduling until you all can get together. Never stop trying. It shows that you care by putting in the effort. That girl’s night will happen eventually.
Conversations seem to get shorter and shorter. It’s not because you’re boring or they don’t want to be your friend. Life just distracts all of us. So some conversations might spill into the next day from time to time.
Making new friends is extremely hard. It’s hard to trust someone you just met. I think that just comes with age. So you’ll find yourself not connecting to people how you use too. It’s not you. It’s just that you’re not as naive as you were before. You should be wise enough to know who’s good or bad for you by now.
Social media and texting will keep you up to date with each other. It’s easier to just send a text. Nowadays I don’t have the energy to stay on the phone. Texting and sending meme’s keeps me connected with everyone. That small text will start up a “just checking in” conversation at the right time.
You start to realize that just because you have history. It doesn’t mean you have to still be friends. This is the realist part of adulthood. Knowing that you have to leave a friend in the past for your well being. It could be for many reasons like trust, growth, or non-growth. It’s one of the hardest decisions you might have to make. Remember, not everyone is going to elevate with you to the next chapter in your life.
You start to ventless to each other because you don’t want to put additional stress on your friend. Or you just don’t want to talk about your problems anymore. There comes a point when you realize that your friend’s advice won’t fix all of your problems.
Jealousy will come out of nowhere. From new and old friends. Especially when you have something they want like; marriage, kids, house, job, or a family. A jealous friend is not a friend at all, no matter how much history you have. Don’t be naive. Ditch that b*tch. You won’t miss them as much as you think. Trust me. Jealous friends are dangerous.
The support you give will not always be there in return for you. So you stop expecting anything from people. Honestly, not expecting anything from people was the best decision I’ve ever made. Whenever someone does something for me it means so much more now, because I didn’t expect it. It helps me really appreciate the support more when it’s given.
You learn to mind your own damn business. You’ll only give opinions when asked. Adults need listeners, not talkers all the time. Just because you disagree with your friend doesn’t mean you need to say it aloud. I’ve realized that you have to allow people to find their own path. Not everyone wants your help. They just want you to be their support while they figure it out.
You protect the real friends you have at all cost. There’s certain friendships you just know are genuine. So you handle those relationships with care.
Whenever you meet up with each other, liquor is involved. Meetups are now called adult playdates.
The ugly truth is, as you change so does the relationships around you. Even if you don’t want them to. Growth comes in many different sizes.
xox Black Daria
Ok soooo i now know how to leave a comment… You have to press the button 2x🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️….
I always love reading your post but never can comment but i finally got it lol!
This is the realest post yet!!! And the part where you said that just because you have history doesnt mean that your still friends or have to be! Thats sooo true!
My circle was always small but the older I get the small my circle gets… At 1st I thought damn maybe I need to change & do things Im not interested in anymore but then I realize the reason why that friend I arent tight anymore is because I have changed or Ive grown!
Daily Im learning that saying “ill always love or have love for them but i dont fuck with em” cause it seriously be just like that. Adulthood ia ghetto and i never asked to be apart of this hood!!! Somebody save me lol! I h a t e it here!!!!
Ok love you Channy! Keep it up!