Are you healing or are you faking?
Nowadays if you ask a female how she’s doing she might say, “I’m healing”. So many women are choosing to heal this year. It could be quarantine forcing some of us to take a hard look at ourselves, or because some of us are just fed up. Either way it’s beautiful to see so many women choosing to heal rather than staying in the unhealthy environments.
So what is healing? Healing is the internal process of making oneself healthy again. It’s when you take the time to deal with your emotions instead of brushing them to the side. Healing is an action that you have to choose to dedicate your time to. To be honest, I just learned about healing last year. Growing up no one told me that I needed time to heal after certain situations. They just told me that in time I will get over it. Not acknowledging that time means nothing if you haven’t done anything with it.
I’m pretty sure there’s still adults out there that could use “healing”, but don’t know where to start. Although healing can be lonely and very emotional. The strength and confidence you build from it is unmeasurable.
To start the healing process you have to be real with yourself. Where did I go wrong? Where did it go wrong? What did I not do? You have to dig deep into your subconscious to acknowledge your faults and your strengths. I usually do this by journaling. Write how you feel. It doesn’t always have to make sense. You also have to discipline yourself. I am a big advocate of self-discipline. It helps you focus on what you need to do, and develops will power. If you have a problem with self-discipline right now is the chance to work on it. Write out a list of things you want to steer away from to achieve your personal goals, and keep it somewhere you will always see it.
Remember practice makes perfect.
When you’re in the healing process you have to make amends, or let it go of anyone you’ve had issues with in the past. Healing is for you to go through it, not brush it off to the side. It starts with the conscious decision that you’re going to put yourself first and work on it everyday. It’s not a quick fix, I’ve been healing since last year to give you an idea, and I’m still a work in progress. Don’t cheat yourself out of healing.
Although I know a lot of women that are healing. I also know even more that falsely claim they are healed. Don’t be that girl. Only you can decide if you’re healed or not. Just be honest with yourself about it. Don’t fake it or focus it, you will never heal that way. You’ll drive yourself crazy if you don’t admit to your truths eventually.
Some characteristics that indicate you aren’t fully healed yet:
Argumentative; with more than one person. Although you may be at peace, you are never at peace if you’re defensive most of the time. Being argumentative when you’re going through healing stages will remind you of the person you don’t want to be.
Remember it’s OK to walk away from situations that bring out the worst in you.
Still hold grudges; grudges are built up aggression. When you hold a grudge you take your own energy away because you’re giving it to the anger you feel. Grudges are an indication that you don’t know how to communicate your feelings as well. Talk it out.
Can’t express your emotions; Ever feel a certain way, but couldn’t think of the right words to say? Unfortunately, I am the queen of this. When you are healed your voice will flow, and you’ll be more connected to your feelings.
Can’t find the good in the day; there is something good in each day, but negativity will have you thinking there isn’t. If you woke up today – then that is the good in the day. Even if it was the worst day of your life. Finding the good can be simple, but sometimes we get lost in the trials of the day that we don’t recognize the good in it. Try to always find the good in the day and write it down. Whenever you feel lost or angry go back to it. This will help you become more thankful for what you have.
Jealously; you cannot heal if you’re still jealous. Jealousy is the root of all evil and will block you from your path. It’s OK to admire someone, but to be jealous is a dangerous path to go down. You have to let that go. Realize that all of us are going through or have gone through something. Being jealous is a childish way of saying I want what you have, but I’m not going to work as hard as you to get it.
Continue to fight; when you continue to engage in arguments you are feeding into the misery. It’s one thing to have a civil conversation. It’s another to continue to argue. In all arguments both parties are on defense making it impossible for any compromise to happen.
Can’t see the other person’s point of view; healing is all about understanding. We all have our own emotions, and even if you don’t agree with someone’s feelings doesn’t mean they aren’t valid. No matter how small the argument, everyone’s point of view matters, and it’s up to you to acknowledge that. When you’re healed, you dig more to understand the other person rather than dismissing their feelings.
Don’t know your boundaries or limits; you haven’t disciplined yourself enough if you don’t know your limits. This applies when you’re in a heated conversation with someone, or just in general when it comes to allowing people access to you. You have to know your limits. When is it time for you to end the conversation? Is this place good for your mental health? Do you even want to hang out with this person today? Ask yourself these questions when discovering your boundaries. You will get the answers you seek if you’re ready to be real with yourself.
Give yourself time to heal. Investing in yourself is the biggest flex in 2020.
A hot girl summer just turned into a healing girl summer ..
xox Black Daria