Are Women Natural Born Ride Or Die Chicks?
As I read Elaine Welternoch’s “More Than Enough”, I colored in lines and key phrases on almost every page with my pink highlighter. Trying to retain any ounce of advice that I could find within each chapter.
Per usual I was shouting out, “Elaine, girl I know!” As I read through the book because of how similar both of our past sounded. But as I read the “Ride or Die Chick” chapter I found myself screaming for Elaine as if she was my homegirl in the next room. This chapter instantly resonated with me.
How many of us have been a ride or die chick? No, not the type that holds a man down while he’s doing time in the county – that’s superior level of holding a man down. I’m talking about the “ride or die” who deals with the drama, and endures the disappointments because of the history, or potential invested. You also could be riding for the security, and comfort that person brings. Which triggers underlying insecurities within yourself i.e jealousy, body shaming, or not feeling good enough.
“A Ride or Die chick is the girl who lets a lot of sh*t slide. She’s the one you can rely on, and usually the one you can hide the truth from. She’s easy going, and always wants to believe what you’re telling her is the truth. Even when deep down she knows it isn’t. She’s the one that can’t seem to let go – even for her on good.”
Growing up, in the Black community most little girls were brought up to believe that you will have good, and bad in all relationships. So, be careful not to leave a situation too fast because things can always be worked out. Adding, in that at the end of the day a man will be a man – and there’s nothing you can do about it. When I recite that statement to myself, it reminds me of how toxic our elders’ teachings are. It also reminds me of how easily that one statement can be misinterpreted to the younger generation. Having them think that putting up with bullsh*t, lies, and laziness was apart of being in a relationship. Not realizing that it is the start of a ride or die chick.
“Holding on to this advice as I got older. It become second nature for me to forgive over and over again. Doing this slowly molded me into becoming that “Ride or Die” chick Elaine Welteroth mentioned in her book, but there wasn’t a trophy at the end of it.”
Women tend to fall in love with potential, security, and comfort which blinds us from the reality. The reality that we don’t have to be anyone’s ride or die chick, especially if it’s killing us. You don’t have to give another chance to anyone who has broken your heart. Would that man give you the same chances if roles were reversed?
As I started growing wiser I slowly started slipping out of the ride of die chick faze for my own sanity. Why should I keep forgiving? Why should I deal with this heart ache? Why do I have to keep thinking about the “what if” if it just isn’t happening? Don’t get it twisted. I will without a doubt, have my next man’s back, but just not at my mental health’s expense. That’s the advice I wish my elders passed down to me growing up. Never be a “ride or die” at your own expense. Always ask yourself, is this best for me?
Don’t confine yourself to a visible box to keep a relationship. You don’t have to stick it through it when it’s tearing you apart. To ride or die means to have each others back – not to stab each other in it.
Don’t get caught in the ride or die syndrome when it isn’t fun anymore – relationships are never suppose to lose their spark. You’re not entitled to ride until the wheels fall off if they were never properly secured on.
xox Black Daria